Who's at the door?
#19
(11-12-2014, 01:26 AM)justcloudy Wrote:  
(11-11-2014, 05:27 PM)Pious Baloney Wrote:  A pleasant read for sure.  I found myself smiling learning about this 'family'.  Only 'critique'...the "where ever he is he can’t have got far" line did not seem to flow smoothly like the rest of the poem did.  It just reads oddly to me.  Keep on keepin' on with your writing!
I agree to an extent. "Can't have got" is more British than American which may have caused PB's trip up. I think "can't have gone" would sound smoother and that's how I read it until now, but it's not much of a difference.
Gone is better, but I needed it for the near rhyme to lawn and it bearly makes it, I will have a think, thanks jc

If your undies fer you've been smoking through em, don't peg em out
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Messages In This Thread
Who's at the door? - by Keith - 11-07-2014, 08:20 AM
RE: Who's at the door? - by Erthona - 11-07-2014, 08:47 AM
RE: Who's at the door? - by Keith - 11-08-2014, 08:31 AM
RE: Who's at the door? - by SimikPK - 11-08-2014, 07:19 PM
RE: Who's at the door? - by Keith - 11-10-2014, 06:13 AM
RE: Who's at the door? - by billy - 11-08-2014, 08:25 PM
RE: Who's at the door? - by Keith - 11-10-2014, 06:18 AM
RE: Who's at the door? - by cidermaid - 11-08-2014, 10:57 PM
RE: Who's at the door? - by Keith - 11-10-2014, 06:22 AM
RE: Who's at the door? - by Bunx - 11-09-2014, 02:42 AM
RE: Who's at the door? - by Keith - 11-10-2014, 06:27 AM
RE: Who's at the door? - by justcloudy - 11-10-2014, 06:24 AM
RE: Who's at the door? - by Keith - 11-10-2014, 06:29 AM
RE: Who's at the door? - by Tylerc1988 - 11-10-2014, 07:32 AM
RE: Who's at the door? - by Keith - 11-11-2014, 07:27 AM
RE: Who's at the door? - by Pious Baloney - 11-11-2014, 05:27 PM
RE: Who's at the door? - by justcloudy - 11-12-2014, 01:26 AM
RE: Who's at the door? - by Keith - 11-12-2014, 09:02 AM
RE: Who's at the door? - by SimikPK - 11-12-2014, 06:33 PM
RE: Who's at the door? - by Keith - 11-12-2014, 09:01 AM
RE: Who's at the door? - by Namyh - 11-21-2014, 03:13 AM
RE: Who's at the door? - by Keith - 11-23-2014, 02:26 AM



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