11-12-2014, 12:09 AM
a suggestion would be to cut away some of the repetition and lesser words.
But rather than walk on my steps no need for [but] and should it be in my steps? unless you mean parts of stair?
look at every line and see if you can make it better by only using what's really needed.
watch out for all the [I's]
I wanted to speak but I had said nothing. I'd wanted...no need for the 2nd [I] think about the past and present tenses, have a look at ever [I] and [you] etc; can you remove a lot of them and still keep what you want to say intact?
But rather than walk on my steps no need for [but] and should it be in my steps? unless you mean parts of stair?
look at every line and see if you can make it better by only using what's really needed.
watch out for all the [I's]
I wanted to speak but I had said nothing. I'd wanted...no need for the 2nd [I] think about the past and present tenses, have a look at ever [I] and [you] etc; can you remove a lot of them and still keep what you want to say intact?