11-11-2014, 06:55 PM
Just a hodgepodge of suggestions and considerations here. An enjoyable poem to read as I felt I got a glimpse of what you are feeling as the season transitions in earnest.
Edit 2
Winters wake
There are times during a summers day,
I pray the snow would stay away.
After hiking up a mountain pass, <---To compliment the next longer line perhaps consider an adjective with mountain pass; like rugged?
I look at the calendar as if an hour glass.
Fall rolls around, leaves fall to annual death, <---Double use of fall; perhaps consider 'Autumn' rolls around for some diversity.
the cracking of life's decay beneath my steps.
Weeks before winter I wonder if I'll feel alone.
Stuck inside with snow stacked high, life inside a glass globe. <---Double use of inside; perhaps consider stuck 'indoors'.
Before I realize it, the first cold front is here.
After scraping off the sticky frost I put my car in gear.
Looking out my foggy windshield I concur
winter's wake has come, anguish may occur.
My passion could freeze like grass white with frost. <---As a reader I am unsure what that passion is for? Did you mean your 'spirits' could freeze; being in that glass globe?
Or I could resist the cold notion, despite the cost.
Then I notice it on the drive,
the first snowfall has arrived.
I always forget it, the peace of mind
when a flake floats down tickling my spine.
Surrounded by falling snow I look up at winters wake.
It is now I foresee winter joy is mine to take.
Edit 2
Winters wake
There are times during a summers day,
I pray the snow would stay away.
After hiking up a mountain pass, <---To compliment the next longer line perhaps consider an adjective with mountain pass; like rugged?
I look at the calendar as if an hour glass.
Fall rolls around, leaves fall to annual death, <---Double use of fall; perhaps consider 'Autumn' rolls around for some diversity.
the cracking of life's decay beneath my steps.
Weeks before winter I wonder if I'll feel alone.
Stuck inside with snow stacked high, life inside a glass globe. <---Double use of inside; perhaps consider stuck 'indoors'.
Before I realize it, the first cold front is here.
After scraping off the sticky frost I put my car in gear.
Looking out my foggy windshield I concur
winter's wake has come, anguish may occur.
My passion could freeze like grass white with frost. <---As a reader I am unsure what that passion is for? Did you mean your 'spirits' could freeze; being in that glass globe?
Or I could resist the cold notion, despite the cost.
Then I notice it on the drive,
the first snowfall has arrived.
I always forget it, the peace of mind
when a flake floats down tickling my spine.
Surrounded by falling snow I look up at winters wake.
It is now I foresee winter joy is mine to take.