11-11-2014, 06:35 AM
Milo,
I disagree (I am assuming you meant to be disagreed with, so I am doing so). Sure, you can find worse on the site in terms of form ( a lot of people show up here and don't have a clue what formal poetry is), however a two foot meter over seven lines is hardly brilliant and should be within the grasp of even the novice writer to set out by ear alone without any real knowledge of meter. Although probably more clean than a neophyte, there are still irregularities in the iambic as well as the rhyme, unless you want to say they were purposefully done. I do not know enough about the writer to know whether or not he/she intended the half feet, or to start with couplets, then to change to alternate line rhyme. I suggest a bit of a happy accident rather fully intentional, so some points for that, but simple saying the same thing differently does not make the meaning any less cliche. I have seen many new poets write similar things, in fact you can browse over at All poets.com and find a veritable plethora of similar poems.Just because the phrases have been reworked to not sound cliche, it does not save the overall poem from being a cliche.
Certainly one can have a "no said goodbye", just as one can say "kill meat, eat meat", but generally if we are not doing dialogue for a caveman or a 4 y/o, we would not speak/write that way for fear of being laughed at by mean people. I don't know where you reference the "unsaid goodbyes", but just as the "no said goodbyes" it would need the appropriate articles and pronouns, etc, to make it a legitimate phrase (besides we have a perfectly good phrase for that, "didn't say". Of course that would mess of the iambic, which only shows the lack of skill that it forces the writer to such poor phrasing, something I think we would generally jump on here, as that is what we have done in the past...including you, quite voraciously if I recall
By the by, I like your new Avatar. I liked you last one also, but I never could decide if it was Italian, French, or Beat.
dale
I disagree (I am assuming you meant to be disagreed with, so I am doing so). Sure, you can find worse on the site in terms of form ( a lot of people show up here and don't have a clue what formal poetry is), however a two foot meter over seven lines is hardly brilliant and should be within the grasp of even the novice writer to set out by ear alone without any real knowledge of meter. Although probably more clean than a neophyte, there are still irregularities in the iambic as well as the rhyme, unless you want to say they were purposefully done. I do not know enough about the writer to know whether or not he/she intended the half feet, or to start with couplets, then to change to alternate line rhyme. I suggest a bit of a happy accident rather fully intentional, so some points for that, but simple saying the same thing differently does not make the meaning any less cliche. I have seen many new poets write similar things, in fact you can browse over at All poets.com and find a veritable plethora of similar poems.Just because the phrases have been reworked to not sound cliche, it does not save the overall poem from being a cliche.
Certainly one can have a "no said goodbye", just as one can say "kill meat, eat meat", but generally if we are not doing dialogue for a caveman or a 4 y/o, we would not speak/write that way for fear of being laughed at by mean people. I don't know where you reference the "unsaid goodbyes", but just as the "no said goodbyes" it would need the appropriate articles and pronouns, etc, to make it a legitimate phrase (besides we have a perfectly good phrase for that, "didn't say". Of course that would mess of the iambic, which only shows the lack of skill that it forces the writer to such poor phrasing, something I think we would generally jump on here, as that is what we have done in the past...including you, quite voraciously if I recall
By the by, I like your new Avatar. I liked you last one also, but I never could decide if it was Italian, French, or Beat.
dale
How long after picking up the brush, the first masterpiece?
The goal is not to obfuscate that which is clear, but make clear that which isn't.
The goal is not to obfuscate that which is clear, but make clear that which isn't.