11-10-2014, 12:00 PM
Teddy Bear Knight
The nightlight making a bubble of light <- I'm not sure I like the word bubble here, the rest of the stanza has more serious words
Keeping away things that bump in the night
An ethereal cloak holding you tight
To help fight off the creature’s might.
In the world of dreams monsters hunt and roam <- comma after dreams?
Looking for a child’s mind to call home.
Through the child’s fears and frights they will comb.
Not realizing no kid goes it alone. <- maybe try "that no kid goes it alone"
For by their side a champion will stand
Wielding a sword forged by might in their hand.
With blue glass eyes, fur the color of sand
Ancient leather armor aged so tan. <- maybe a comma after armour (I'm Canadian so we spell this with a "u" but I'm not sure about the states!)
A Teddy Bear Knight to defend his home <- since you were speaking about kids in general before maybe you should keep it more general here (to defend their home for example)
His shield holds off the monsters mighty blow
Sending a message all monsters should know
That no kid will ever go it alone.
The nightlight making a bubble of light <- I'm not sure I like the word bubble here, the rest of the stanza has more serious words
Keeping away things that bump in the night
An ethereal cloak holding you tight
To help fight off the creature’s might.
In the world of dreams monsters hunt and roam <- comma after dreams?
Looking for a child’s mind to call home.
Through the child’s fears and frights they will comb.
Not realizing no kid goes it alone. <- maybe try "that no kid goes it alone"
For by their side a champion will stand
Wielding a sword forged by might in their hand.
With blue glass eyes, fur the color of sand
Ancient leather armor aged so tan. <- maybe a comma after armour (I'm Canadian so we spell this with a "u" but I'm not sure about the states!)
A Teddy Bear Knight to defend his home <- since you were speaking about kids in general before maybe you should keep it more general here (to defend their home for example)
His shield holds off the monsters mighty blow
Sending a message all monsters should know
That no kid will ever go it alone.