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Starling haiku
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11-07-2014, 08:02 AM
I second ambrosial's idea of ending on "bang!". With that modification, the poem emits the same sense of frantic urgency a marksman feels. Just make sure to put a comma after sterling since you're omitting "on a". The original was already an enjoyable read, but with the edits, the poem added a dimension of human instinct and deftness.
"A man with true morals behaves the same, whether starving or sated."
--Anonymous |
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Starling haiku - by SimikPK - 11-07-2014, 01:54 AM
RE: Starling haiku - by billy - 11-07-2014, 02:57 AM
RE: Starling haiku - by Magpie - 11-07-2014, 07:36 AM
RE: Starling haiku - by coy - 11-07-2014, 08:02 AM
RE: Starling haiku - by SimikPK - 11-07-2014, 07:31 PM
RE: Starling haiku - by coy - 11-07-2014, 07:56 PM
RE: Starling haiku - by billy - 11-07-2014, 07:47 PM
RE: Starling haiku - by donbouquet - 11-07-2014, 09:46 PM
RE: Starling haiku - by SimikPK - 11-07-2014, 11:02 PM
RE: Starling haiku - by ellajam - 11-08-2014, 01:29 AM
RE: Starling haiku - by billy - 11-07-2014, 11:16 PM
RE: Starling haiku - by ChristopherSea - 11-08-2014, 02:05 AM
RE: Starling haiku - by SimikPK - 11-08-2014, 03:55 AM
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