Bones

[billy]

i enjoyed the poem, while it was (for me) a bit cheesy at the latter parts, i enjoy the twist at the end, most of all i enjoyed the connection of the 4th line to the lower part of the poems twist. it acts as a hook and the reader will probably read  the poem a few more times because of it. thanks for the read.

 
We’d a semi-detached
with not much of a garden,
only so many places
you could bury a bone.
One evening was yawning there's a little ambiguity here in that it seems the woman is called one evening
when she made a suggestion -
a game of canasta,
we’d wager our freedom.
The loser would serve
and winner be master, this feels to much of a given, a suggestion would be to move [master down to the next line and maybe stick a [the] or [and] in front of it
commander, dictator
for a time we’d determine. a third [we'd] a suggestion would be [for a determinate time]
 
I had visions of her
in vertiginous heels,
scarlet mesh stockings
and the band of white flesh no need for [and] i like the sexuallty if the image
at the height of her thighs
defenceless as snow. not sure the simile works well enough
A camisole crotchless, nice [c]'s but would they be better reversed?
her sex between brackets; another good image
unguents and oils
to purple and glisten;
wrists wrapped in velvet -
the tease of resistance.
 
Though I lost, defeat promised
as much as success did. no need for [did]
I want you to kiss my bones
she said. Not a death wish
nor an essay at arousal.
Bones was her dog. I hated
the bitch. She was testing i like the enjambement which makes both of them bitches
resolve or held out a hope
I might yet learn to love.
But I didn’t and couldn’t
and hate all the more, for
we haven’t played canasta since.