The Sea of Truths

[SimikPK]

Sea of Truths
The girl was set adrift
upon the sea of truths
in a boat that she had built the "a" disturbs the metre
of dreams and simple youth. Well made introduction and allusion to what the conflict is going to be, the contrast of self built boat and the not self built sea, the anticipation of what the sea will do with the dreams and simple yout. Very nice. Only why is the first line in the passive? Why not The girl has set adrift? Judging from the second stanza, she is active hre. .

She insisted she'd be fine you have two unstressed syllables in the beginnig of this line
as she raised her scarlet sail. I am glad that you kept the "as" and didn't change it into "and." This way, it gives the feeling of the immediacy, while two actions are happening at the same time - the raising of the sail and the insisting.
It would be okay in time, fine and time don't rhyme well.
if she only had a gale.

She did not even scare
of storms that had begun.
She didn't say a prayer,
She never tried to run. [b] This seems odd since it is impossible to run on a sea in a boat, unless she could walk on the water, but the developement of the poem goes well in this stanza

The waters were all rough,
they grabbed her, pulled her hair.
The sails began to luff,
She began to see despair. ow, see despair sounds disturbing to me, if feels forced only to maintain the metre and rhyme.

She claimed that she was fine
as the sea took in her ship
The water felt benign,
But the sail began to rip. well you contradict the previous stanza here. She began to despair yet here she claims she is fine... Now I am confused. What is the state of her mind?

Yet her voice stayed strong
And she shouted for some help-- this is a good idea, admitting that one needs help but keeping a strong voice, a good synthesis. However, the confusion about the deveoplment of her mental/emotional state occurs again. Why mention she began to despair when her voice stayed strong ...
But she then heard the songs read alout, switch "she" and "then", then read aloud again.
Of the voices in the kelp.

Nothing drowned the sounds nice and appropriate image
of the Sirens in the distance. you don't have stress on the last syllable
They whispered tempting things,
And she lost all resistance. again the last syllable is unstressed This is an interesting turning point. One would expect that the songs would help her, but they actually brought her ruin. Appreciated

She took a breath of air
And it would be her last. good work with anticipation and not-fullfillment. As if she was going to do something courageous, but actually it was her end. Good, but the sense of last determination/effort in the first line of this stanza is confusing, since we are told that she had already lost all resistance.
Water brushed her hair,
touched dead hands of the past since hands is mentioned here with the association with the hair, I presume its her hands, but then, here they are dead, in the next stanza they are just lulled to sleep?

The waves tossed golden curls "waves, tossed ,gol-" are all stressed and feel too violent.
lulling her to sleep.
They filled her eyes with pearls,

The sky began to weep. [b] Weeping sky.. fits content-wise, but not so much stylistically. Sounds a bit chliché.

You started with a contrast between dreams and simple youth and truths, but you abandon the topic later. What kind of truths were those that made her fail? Or were those actually the lies of the sirens? You open a framework that you don't close.