after the flood (edited)

[cjchaffin]

Hi, here are some comments for you:

after the flood

There was nowhere--I scanned some of the comments and wholly agree with milo on the line break. When you think of this line as it sits now it doesn't make sense as a unit. There was obviously somewhere even if it was changed. By moving left up you have some poignancy, and you allow for the next line to have that layering effect where the lines seem to hold meaning and then build off of each other. 
left for her to turn,
right after the rains--The title already sets this up. While I like the alliteration for the sounds it brings, right feels unnecessary.  With the title already in place I would like to see more content variation on the line or a subtle title shift whichever you think works better. Possible adjustment to L3: "when the rains came"
came and washed him away.--as you can see by my suggestion I like came on the above line break
 
So she lay down
upon the softened meadow,--Maybe cut "the"
lost in a stream--Excellent break especially with Ulysses later. Fun 
of consciousness.
 
She tucked herself in--This is nice for the line break and the retreat into seeking childhood comfort. She was alone and she regressed to something safe. A lot of content expressed with economy. nice
between the sheets of Ulysses--Wonderful double meaning of sheets
and dreamt with both eyes open,--This also a nice paradoxical statement. To play it up more you may want to pull up "and dreamt" to end the above line.
munching lotus fruit and flowers
as the river widened its mouth.--Again, your transition from Joyce to the character of Ulysses and the lotus flowers and Lethe makes this really work. Fantastic build up to the end.

I realize that may be a lot for mild but I wanted my comments to be clear. I hope some of it helps.

Best,

Todd

thanks, Todd. i don't think your comments are too much at all; in fact, i think you're spot-on. you and milo both hit on some very important points that i'm going to address in the edit. much appreciated!!