11-04-2014, 11:43 AM
(10-25-2014, 12:57 AM)rowens Wrote: CompensationsI really really enjoyed the stream of consciousness element to your poem, the dark subject matter, and the fact that it's a poem that doesn't rhyme. Poems don't have to rhyme to be poems. As you can see, I had little bad to say or "critiquing" to give; you did a wonderful job with this one!
I think it's nice how the wind is blowing,
like something out of a movie,
almost like something out of a book.
Something old
and real—from being real a long time,
like grandparents' ghosts and ouija boards before Parker Brothers bought it.
The wind at night, especially on an especially dark night,
is like dead people alive:
I don't know why that is;
if I had to think about it
it probably wouldn't feel that way anymore.
But, then again, if I think about it I might feel it even more.
I was only thirteen years old the first time I saw someone die,
and I don't remember anything about the weather or anything. <--the double "anything" is bothersome. Maybe you could omit the "or anything" altogether? It doesn't exactly add much to the line, and so removing it wouldn't be taking anything away from it, especially since having rhyme isn't a factor here.
But I saw a movie where the wind blew,
and the dead returned at night.
And even though it was a horror movie,
I felt more reassured than scared.
