A flower in full bloom

[ellajam]

Hi, EH, welcome. Just five thoughtful critiques in the workshops makes you a full member. Here are a few notes.

A flower in full bloom can't stay,
Yet knows not that it must go; "doesn't know" would sound more natural.
As perhaps one might decline each day
And of life's cruel design not know.
The rhymes so far are pretty common and bland.


But I, not blessed with falsities,
Fall victim to despair.
Oh, how sweet the ironies
That I, success won't spare.
What ironies? Tell us. The last line is twisted to the point I don't know what you're saying.

The cause of my mortality
Reveals itself, when applied,
As my own mortality;
And to this, I must subside.
Mortality twice is too much and again, the last line seems twisted for the rhyme.

I enjoyed your start of a flower not knowing its beauty or imminent demise and the idea of humanity not so blessed. You have something to work with, I hope the critiques help.