The Faceless One
#8
(10-15-2014, 09:37 AM)Willpark Wrote:  I am the faceless one.
I have no name. I am no one.
But I know the secrets
you thought you hid.
I see the deeds
you never did.
I hear the words
you dare not speak.
I think the thoughts
you fear to seek.
I’ll be your judge
on that day to come.
I'm taking names,
I'm leaving none.
So remember me:
I am the faceless one.
I'm into this. It immediately reminded me of "The Spy" by The Doors ("I'm a spy, in the house of love. I know the dream, that you're dreaming of....")
As someone else mentioned, I agree the "but" isn't needed on the third line.
For this phrase:
I'll be your judge
on that day to come.
I'm taking names,
I'm leaving none.
I think there is some tension between this section and the opening section. The nameless one is taking names and leaving none...There seems to be a play on words you could make in here. The nameless one never took a name, or else they would have a name, yes? The message and the rhyme works really well here though and has an element of creepiness to it.
To me, the narrator is the reader's subconscious. Always there but never named, it knows your deepest secrets and your hidden fears. Nice job.


Messages In This Thread
The Faceless One - by Willpark - 10-15-2014, 09:37 AM
RE: The Faceless One - by cidermaid - 10-15-2014, 04:37 PM
RE: The Faceless One - by gypsyrose - 10-17-2014, 06:27 AM
RE: The Faceless One - by newsclippings - 10-17-2014, 09:08 AM
RE: The Faceless One - by Erthona - 10-17-2014, 12:18 PM
RE: The Faceless One - by Amitey Blyss - 10-25-2014, 01:58 PM
RE: The Faceless One - by SimikPK - 10-28-2014, 02:04 AM
RE: The Faceless One - by superfluid - 11-01-2014, 04:27 AM
RE: The Faceless One - by Heyyous - 11-02-2014, 02:17 AM
RE: The Faceless One - by Leanne - 11-02-2014, 04:18 AM
RE: The Faceless One - by twinked - 11-09-2014, 06:25 AM
RE: The Faceless One - by Paint with words - 11-11-2014, 07:11 PM
RE: The Faceless One - by Pious Baloney - 11-12-2014, 08:12 PM
RE: The Faceless One - by azure - 11-13-2014, 09:59 PM
RE: The Faceless One - by GerryMattia - 11-14-2014, 05:45 PM
RE: The Faceless One - by paranoid marvin - 11-15-2014, 03:49 AM
RE: The Faceless One - by Dymun Fengshui - 12-14-2014, 03:53 PM
RE: The Faceless One - by Leanne - 12-15-2014, 05:17 PM



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