I Dream of Barcelona

[just mercedes]

Hi JM - there's a lot to like about your poem. There's a tension of opposites all the way through, so that helped me work out what was happening with the repeated line. Maybe you could add something more about Barcelona in the first stanza only - then the repeats would be stronger. Some nit-picking follows.

I Dream of Barcelona

Sliding glass reveals leaden skies and shifting Alabama dunes; I'm stuck on the 'sliding'- surely it reveals without sliding?
I breathe the cold and manufactured air of dead motels motels? you can't be in two
and dream of Barcelona. I really like that contrast

High-stepping like a crippled horse, you come up
through the mounds of impure sand, glistening why impure? is that needed?
with sweat and sunscreen. I draw the mildewed curtains again, great contrast
and dream of Barcelona.

Tan-lined, stoned and sleepy, you lie
in half-light from the louvered transom. Gulls cry above
the talk-show murmurs, and through the wall, a trailer poet
recites a dull lament. I crush my pills, pour your wine
and dream of Barcelona. strong stanza

A ravaged coast inside force-five winds;
this fleeting eye, a temporary truce allowed by distance
from familiar storms. I fall beside you this stanza doesn't quite do it for me
and dream of Barcelona.

Untied, we drift away in separate boats, [on white seas.] needed?
Before sleep, I kiss your [uncertain] smile  needed?
and dream of Barcelona. I can't help feeling a little let down - wanted a stronger ending

Thanks for posting this - I enjoyed reading.