10-30-2014, 08:09 PM
just because yo had a choice, doesn't mean you chose the correct one.
while it is a poem, it doesn't read as though the poet spent a long time on it.
things lose their power when they become cliche. of course in certain poems a cliche or two can add to the poem, i've praised an odd cliche for that very thing. here the cliche feels heavy and boring. we're not attacking you. we're just pointing out what we see in the poem. it's what a workshop's for. the people who replied are doing so in order to help you and all the others members here become better at writing poetry. at some point in the future you'll look back at what wrote about cliche and laugh about it. we like you, i like you i want to like you but i can't see the poem you wrote as being a good poem when compared to what i think of good poetry. i do hope you stay and post and try and improve like everyone else here does. :J:
we can get our point across clearly and be original in doing so at the same time.
while it is a poem, it doesn't read as though the poet spent a long time on it.
things lose their power when they become cliche. of course in certain poems a cliche or two can add to the poem, i've praised an odd cliche for that very thing. here the cliche feels heavy and boring. we're not attacking you. we're just pointing out what we see in the poem. it's what a workshop's for. the people who replied are doing so in order to help you and all the others members here become better at writing poetry. at some point in the future you'll look back at what wrote about cliche and laugh about it. we like you, i like you i want to like you but i can't see the poem you wrote as being a good poem when compared to what i think of good poetry. i do hope you stay and post and try and improve like everyone else here does. :J:
we can get our point across clearly and be original in doing so at the same time.
(10-30-2014, 03:39 AM)drithebee Wrote: Thank you for all the input.
I find it interesting that each of you were so eager to call out cliches like human fire alarms, as if their presence is a danger or sin. You realize there's a reason things become cliche don't you? Certain ideas feel right together and so enjoyed by the people before us. It is not wrong to employ for myself a topic that other individuals before me explored. Cliches carry a history of captivation and through large favor remained a source of fresh inspiration. Instead of casting them aside, using the power and influence they hold to sway the perception of the audience is a much better solution.
I wanted to discuss night and day, so it made sense to use the words night and day. Sure, if my goal was to be supercilious and obfuscatory I could talk in circles fixing metaphors to haughty vocabulary and give it some title that would make a good band name. But don't you think I have a purpose to the choices I made with this poem? It's not as if I just hastily typed in a first draft without any revisions of my own. I use simple language because I want everyone to be able to enjoy my poetry, and being able to get my point across clearly and easily is important to me. Should I even point out how your repetitive displeasure for cliches betrayed your propensity to embody them?