10-30-2014, 05:54 AM
(10-28-2014, 08:51 AM)J.C. Fontenot Wrote: An array of blue hues painted on his feathers, - blue hues is not good on the tongue. Just blue would do.
a crown of similar color spiking from his head,
beauty bestowed by Darwin's theory. - nice lines, I like the crown
his shadow demands respect from inferiors below, - inferiors below is tautological. his shadow cows those below?
soaring, screeching, moving about,
no algorithmic patterns for the king himself,
who dare lurk above him?
giving orders with song,
springing from his majestic organs,
who dare challenge the kings tongue? - you want an apostrophe in king's
perhaps he knows these natural laws,
for he is king Blue Jay, - the ending is very underwhelming. You'd do better without the last 3 lines
king of the yard.
Before criticising a person try walking a mile in their shoes. Then when you do criticise that person, you are a mile away.... and you have their shoes.