Exhaling

[brandontoh]

I'm not so sure about my punctuation here. I feel it is necessary, but it could be better.

Punctuation helps make sentences make sense, and also helps with pacing. Just do as tectak suggests. Read out your work, and adjust the punctuation so that it sounds good.

All my problems are warm,

wet, and hollow -- Interesting start. What do you mean by problems being warm, wet, and hollow? I want to find out.

with oxygen exhaling -- The word choice here can be improved. I don't think the sound of 'oxygen exhaling' fits into the tone that you're going for.

into disappearing mist, -- It may be just me here, but 'disappearing mist' is a rather weak image, especially when it's not coupled with something else.

as vapor from my blistered lips, -- As vapor is not needed here.

and I long for that extant moment

of an instance in existence

before dispersing into

cold, porous drips

like the chill of sweat

exalting from a fleshy mold. -- The image here is good, but the word choices conflict with what you're trying to build. This part could be really strong, but you got to be more discerning with your words. It's okay to stick with simple ones, as long as they fit. In this case, 'exalt', 'instance', 'porous', 'extant', and 'disperse' are questionable choices. There is potential here, it would be such a pity to see it go to waste!

I feel it's lustrous loss, -- its?

and I'm willing to be lost,

in the solution of the frost,

because all that warms me

wares me down to dust, -- wears

same as these vapors

ware the world to rust.