Cold

[billy]

hi simik

the first verse give a feel of a castle clad in ivy/moss the main problem for me is in the 2nd verse. the last two lines feel very forced, have a look here for notes on meter meter
meter could help give it a less forced feel to the read.
[url=http://www.pigpenpoetry.com/thread-12022-post-141279.html#pid141279http://][/url]

Edit.2

On castle stone-bricks
stained and old
the bearded shadows have always felt
very cold.

The wind sneaked through the dungeon door.
All the warmth was his prey, no need for [the]
so the shadows
ran away.

Edit.1
On castle stone-bricks dull and old
felt the shadows very cold.

Then they opened nearby door  -
it got colder even more.
All the warmness was winds prey,
so the shadows ran away.


Original
In light of torches by the door
at the end of corridor
on castle stone-bricks dull and old
feel the shadows very cold.

And when you open the said door
it is colder even more.
All the warmness wind will flay,
so the shadows  run away.