December 17, 5:30am

[SimikPK]

December 17, 5:30am

A voice from upstairs < Leaving upstairs at the end of the line emphasizes it, but it forces me to make a small stop there which for me ruins the smooth pace that would be there if "says" was at the end of this line. Otherwise, says in the second line seems redundant. It is obvious that something is said when there is a voice. Leaving out "says" would not make the pace as smooth as moving it to the first line, but the stanya would be more consistent, each line being more-less separate, having a stop/break at the end.

says "good morning"  
and it will be. < If this line is the consequence of the previous, I like it, however, AND´s in poems are dangerous and are prone to turn rubbish/fillers.

Glide up stairs, < not sure if intention, but differentiating "upstairs" and "up stairs" works for me, two distinct yet closely related images, well done here.

say "good morning"  < "Say" seems redundant here. Voice from upstairs and glinding up - thus being down suggest two participants of the dialogue, so it is likely that the second "good morning" is the response to the first one, no need to introduce it.

and it will be.  < If there is the dialogue, why not extent the differentiation between the participants? We know that one is up and one is down, this offers space for extension, something in line with being up and down. Also, I am not sure who the lyrical subject is. One participant of the dialogue? If so, how can they know that the second person will have a good morning? If the lyrical subject is omniscient, it lacks the personal dimension of either of the speakers.

Hear "I love you"  
and "I missed you". < cliché, nothing knew, stuff of thousands of poems.

Be loved and love   < detto
clean flannel sheets and  
and a favorite mug. < nice imagery. Why not distribute these images among the participants of the dialogue or at least ascribe them definitely to one and add something to the other? Now I am not sure who the owner is.

Be loved and love  
love and "I love you"  
and "I missed you"  < way too much cliché for me,
and "good morning"  
and it will be. < I like the idea of the last two lines, as already stated. But this last stanza is partially cliché and adds nothing new. The repetition of the motive is good, but something new is desired here. More imagery like stairs, coffé mug etc. Suggestion: ascribe flannes sheets and mug to one participant, and in this stanca something contrasting or in line with it to the second. Also, loving and missing can be expressed more subtly. To me, a preson making me coffe in my favourite mug defintely shows me love, so that should be sufficient. And the fact that one's morning will be good because the other person wished it to me also suggest that there is some love-ish relationship between them.

To sum up, leaving out useless words and phrases; more image-based characterization and differentiation between the dialogue participants; and some image-based expressions of love would do the poem much good. The imagery and "ït will be" causality are good jumping pads though. Sorry if I am forcing my own meanign upon your poem.