She is
#4
I was into this until I got to that last line. I agree that it's jarring, in both meaning and tone. It's too much like a punch line or like one of those motivational slogans. I'm thinking you could make this work if the last 4 lines were somehow less obvious.
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Messages In This Thread
She is - by arbitraryarmor - 10-22-2014, 07:25 PM
RE: She is - by crow - 10-22-2014, 08:12 PM
RE: She is - by arbitraryarmor - 10-22-2014, 08:58 PM
RE: She is - by J.M.Byrnes - 10-25-2014, 03:02 AM
RE: She is - by arbitraryarmor - 10-25-2014, 05:04 AM
RE: She is - by J.M.Byrnes - 10-25-2014, 09:40 PM
RE: She is - by Leanne - 10-26-2014, 04:20 AM



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