10-24-2014, 09:04 PM
Apart from the middle verse, where I got lost, I found it interesting, intriguing. First verse especially.
because this clean air chokes of what - shouldn't it be off not of?
All I'm left with is those unblinking eyes, - are not is
Briefly, the entity no longer looked my way,
for the rain had mercy on my being
and showered its twin black pearls with a divine blight.
Immediate cataracts, then a buried fiend,
it was sent back to the pit.
Not a clue what you're on about and it's not so brief, either.
because this clean air chokes of what - shouldn't it be off not of?
All I'm left with is those unblinking eyes, - are not is
Briefly, the entity no longer looked my way,
for the rain had mercy on my being
and showered its twin black pearls with a divine blight.
Immediate cataracts, then a buried fiend,
it was sent back to the pit.
Not a clue what you're on about and it's not so brief, either.
Before criticising a person try walking a mile in their shoes. Then when you do criticise that person, you are a mile away.... and you have their shoes.