To Fall Asleep

[coolfunboy]

As I drift away,
You watch my closed eyes;
You wait for them to open.

I'm lost in the gray,
Not so distant skies;
Your watch remains unbroken. (This stanza seems a bit superfluous)

And perhaps somebody told you
I'm vagabond in chains; (Nice contrast!)
If I disappear on a breeeze,
I'll soon be back again.

But I will not stay forever,
I will be only passing by.
You know I'm the kind of lover
Who must always say goodbye. (These last two lines sound a bit like pop song lyrics)

Our juncture is an ephemeral touch,
As my effects acquaint your luggage rack. (Really, really great pair of lines)
It will be up to you to let me go,
Kissing me softly on my naked back.

Funnily enough, I think the odd numbered stanzas work very well and the even ones could do with a bit of editing, if not complete deletion. Great start though! Your language in the last stanza is wonderful.