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[billy]

please give feedback outside this part of the forum please/ mod

don't call the poem terrified, it would make it too easy.
for me the latter part of the poem could have been strong wit the use of more imagery.

I lay on the floor,
My body tired, staring at the ceiling-- this line is very weak as is the opening line, create an image by using a simile or metaphor

There are cracks and waves in this would make a decent first line would in work better on the next line?
Every wall of this old house, okay in is better where it's at i see it's an acrostic
Reminding the house of stories, [reminding the house] feels a bit awkward, could you find another R word that works better. a suggestion would be along the lines of: rippling the house with stories
Records of love and of shadows. no need for the 2nd [of]
I can't fathom all the words these walls have heard
From people who never stay,
In and out, coming and going,
Every day, questioning the minds of others.
Dear friend, i am lost. Which is the path i will follow?