10-16-2014, 07:58 PM
Footsteps fade,
Imprints stay. Lines 1 and 2 don't seem to correlate with the rest of the poem, almost making the context synthetic. I feel you are rather expressing how you wish you had love but don't understand what it is, or you are not emotionally connected to the writing aspect of love.
Blemishes;
they cover my heart. Why do they cover your heart? How do they relate to footprints and imprints?
They keep our love alive
Even when we’re apart.
Until we are together
the blemishes stay.
No change in weather.
Storms rage inside my mind
until
our
fingers
are
intertwined. From lines 5-8 and 9 to the end, I feel you only repeated the same idea with different wording. You want to try to avoid that because we already have that idea introduced to us. Instead try to expand on the idea; Why do the blemishes stay? What changes when you are together?
I hope you don't mind the comments I made. I just want to show you how I think in the process of critique.
Imprints stay. Lines 1 and 2 don't seem to correlate with the rest of the poem, almost making the context synthetic. I feel you are rather expressing how you wish you had love but don't understand what it is, or you are not emotionally connected to the writing aspect of love.
Blemishes;
they cover my heart. Why do they cover your heart? How do they relate to footprints and imprints?
They keep our love alive
Even when we’re apart.
Until we are together
the blemishes stay.
No change in weather.
Storms rage inside my mind
until
our
fingers
are
intertwined. From lines 5-8 and 9 to the end, I feel you only repeated the same idea with different wording. You want to try to avoid that because we already have that idea introduced to us. Instead try to expand on the idea; Why do the blemishes stay? What changes when you are together?
I hope you don't mind the comments I made. I just want to show you how I think in the process of critique.