10-16-2014, 12:30 AM
Love poetry is the hardest thing to write, and often comes off as very tired and clichéd. You should try to avoid end rhymes like "weather" and "together" and "apart" and "heart."--I've seen them so many millions of times I know it's coming before I get there. You have a good idea with imprints and blemishes ---stains of love that don't fade...I would suggest a slight rework on the wording to find fresh rhymes. Also, your caps are all over the place, choose to cap each line, or only cap the new sentences. Stick to one way, personally I prefer to only cap the sentences, but that's my opinion. Not trying to sound too negative, stick to your fresh images if you choose to write love poetry. My personal opinion is if you choose this, you must get out the knife and cut yourself down to the bone and let your blood spill on the paper. That's the only way it will feel real.
mel/bena
mel/bena