10-15-2014, 04:37 PM
Hi willpark, this is a subject that I feel like I have read many times over and as such you poem has not presented any surprises. This said i think you have handled and controled you poem well. It is a solid enough write.
I'll offer a couple of comments on the text.
All the best AJ.
I'll offer a couple of comments on the text.
(10-15-2014, 09:37 AM)Willpark Wrote: I am the faceless one.Overall I liked that yu have allowed the reader to picture who the voice is, be that God, an overbearing teacher or gardian or even a downtrodden partener who is keeping score of things.
I have no name. I am no one. I found this line a bit too chopy for the second line in. I suggest that the period could becom a comma.
But I know the secrets Not sure that you need the but.
you thought you hid.
I see the deeds
you never did. Again here you could let the reader run on and give the poem a bit more pace by changing the period into a comma here as well.
I hear the words
you dare not speak.
I think the thoughts
you fear to seek.
I’ll be your judge
on that day to come. I feel like I want this run on effect here as well. Your poem your call...these are just my thoughts.
I'm taking names,
I'm leaving none.
So remember me:
I am the faceless one.
All the best AJ.

