When autumn (Edit 3)

[billy]

third attempt at feedback
the title works and gives more information to the reader.
it reads much better but still feels a little heavy
good effort.

Edit 2


Youth is wasted on the young

When autumn comes, the sun spot dappled
racing green spread slows; droops, green's
bejewelled with bright berried success, bejewelled still doesn't work for me, i can't see it as in keeping with the 1st two lines. [with bright berried success] on the other seems almost perfect on its own
sucked from the last daylight saved hour. sucked feels to harsh
Vacated seats of ease are laid to waste is [of ease are] really needed? for me it fills in too much for the reader
by sharp edged winds that pluck
the plumped out leisure and leave behind i can't work out what [the plumped out leisure] refers to, is it needed?
the wrinkled lines of weathered haste. no need for [the]
Oak decked frames shrivel back,
swallowed by shadowy degrees, by or in?
sliver frosted onto a granite face
that clocks seasonal demarcations. for me this stanza says much but doesn't have enough clarity re the two preceding lines
Daisy-chained summer grace, twists no need for the comma
into bare branched veins on gnarly twigs.
Clouded memories bleed vaguely grey
into clear blue, spring fed eyes. while it feels word heavy it does work
                                                                                                                        
Do not ask why a winter solstice up to now it's had no outright question, why change it with this line?
blazes and burns at paler shades; blazes and burns are pretty much the same thing to a man of fire
this is the stored up harvest,
trampled, crushed and aged. these two lines together work well. needs a better lead-in
It rages
against the wasteful decay no need for [the]
and thrusts the languid sap up for the push no need for the first [the]
to spring days; aiming to make just one more summer of hay. no need for just