A Nap With The Gods

[billy]

the title change gives the reader a bit more and makes it less ambiguous. and some of the changes enhance the reader's journey through the nap. don't worry too much about it looking long or short. the line spacing made no difference to the good nor did the bold. white line spacing is used to create a longer pause which most of your lines didn't need good edit so far just a short way to go in polishing the bugger.

A Nap with the Gods- REVISED

Aloft the breathtaking lush of smaragdine i preferred steep. for me the stumble still comes from having no comma after aloft, i googled smaragdine and like it's use
hammocked on knotted twines,
Cronus-pinched swinging on the gods. i can't get the cronos pinched reference, (i do know he was titan of earth and sky) to work

Harp strings whisper
strike a chord with mythos thoughts, would thoughts of mythos work better?
releasing a wearied sigh. i like the connection between sigh and whisper
Musing on to a foreign time of never-a -care  no need for [on to]
and longings for Eirene.

]A start!

Dazed, from the yawning arms of Somnus' son,
winks, laced in sweet amnesia,
a hint of sand and tracings of honeyed kisses this line reads a lot better by the edit. it's more direct
impassioned upon my lips, my arm and hand.

The briefest slip-away,
a visit with Pasithea, a spell of evanescence,
a sip from Hebe's cup,
Ambrosia to my essence! essence feels to close to evanescence in sound and feel almost as a repeat. would another word work better?

----------------

Aloft the breath taking steep of smaragdine
Suspended on a knotted twine,
Harp strings in whisper,
strikes a chord with my murmuring thoughts,
releasing a wearied sigh.

Musing  into a foreign time, 
of Never-a -care and  Eirene.

A start!
Dazed, from the yawning arms of Somnus' son,
winks, laced in sweet amnesia, 
belies nothing but a hint of sand,
and tracings of honeyed kisses, 
impassioned upon my lips, 
my arm and hand.

'twas  the briefest slip-away,
 a visit with Pasithea, 
a sip from Hebe,
a moment of evanescence, 
Ambrosia to my essence.