Berries

[Anonymous]

no need to tell us what you intended in the poem; if we don't get it on our own it will better show anything that isn't working. check here about meter
the poem will benefit from the use of iambs.
try not to be so wordy. cut away anything that doesn't add to the poem.

Thanks Billy. I will work on iambs too. I'm having a hard time understanding which syllables are stressed and unstressed, but I'll keep studying it. Hopefully I can understand the rudiments of iambs by tonight or tomorrow, so I can start editing this poem.