10-13-2014, 06:52 PM
"whether this was intentional or not"
--very very intentional
"3. in the kitchen
Ah! Good. Finally"
--Awesome hahaha "took you long enough. geez!" hahaha
"Now. . . Am I over thinking the figurative components present within this poem?"
--no
"Though I cannot shake the feeling that the mentioning within L2 through L3 of the kitchen's current electricity dilemma is supposed to be a parallel to the speaker's emotionally tolling dilemma."
--without doubt
"4. on my mountain.
I believe this isn't literal,"
--it's literal, emotional, and symbolic. The mountain is his home, his emotional advantage over his partner, and the immovable object of his not loving his partner.
"Although I think it'd be interesting to possibly add an adjective"
--you missed that "mountain" *is* modified--by "my".
"you've made the POV pretty darn apparent within this poem (in every stanza in fact!),"
--the narrator's overuse of "I" shows his nature
"just a small comment there on a relatively diminutive aspect of these two lines"
--not diminutive. It's a crucial feature. Without it, the reader can't get any purchase on his personality.
Now, there are two key words here that spark my interest: "decided" and "check".
--and "go," a reference to the ancient game
"The word play makes me think that the speaker might have already unconsciously made a decision about the main dilemma, but for whatever reason, they find it hard to admit to themselves it is so."
--correct
"Maybe they've muted their inner most self in order to hold onto emotions that would otherwise have to be let go if they were to finally make a choice."
--correct
Alright, so L6 is referring to the action of "checking" (in this case, the sidewalk mentioned in L7).
--also to both chess "checking" and to checkers
"Some synonyms for "check" include: "inspection", "review", and "test". "
--but I didn't choose any of those words, right? What does "check" have that those other words don't?
"From this, I feel as if it is implied that the speaker needs to "review" or "inspect" these thoughts/emotions"
--right analysis, wrong conclusion. From this, it is implied he *doesn't* need to review or inspect, but only to check.
"here might be that the speaker is one of those fellows who scavenges for reburns! This would impose upon the speaker slight character development and possible masked symbolism."
--not "might," but *must*
"a bit veiled"
--I thought I was being blatant
7. the itchy sidewalk
"Man. . . How restless is this individual, as to refer to the sidewalk as "itchy"?"
--what's the answer? If there isn't one, then I need to revise.
--importantly, the idea of an "itchy sidewalk" is nonsensical. The narrator is itchy, but he projects
--also, why "sidewalk"?
"The cravings associated with the usage of cigarettes may apply to some sort of emblematical message; does the speaker "crave" or "deeply miss" someone or possibly something?"
--yes. What is it? Again, if there's no answer, I need to revise.
"Is this in junction with their indecision?"
--as you noted, the narrator has no indecision. "this" distances the narrator from the "indecision." So how does the indecision relate to the power being out? Is there *any* reason to think power relates to electricity?
"This may be too analytical of me... "
--impossible
"but do these words also have some sort of concealed significance behind them?"
--it's in the "I'd"
"I'm hesitant to say, but I feel as if the speaker might have been also implying that they'd be putting themselves "right back" into the same situation if they were to "love" again (referenced from L11)."
--good catch. I missed it!
"My last translation of this line would be that the main figure might have meant that this has happened before, and this restlessness is a consequence of a cycle of events that leads to even more indecision."
--close. It's possible that he's viewing "I'd" as an entity external to himself
"Am I correct in any of my presumptions for this line? Or is it literal?"
--yes to both
"The way in which this valued love was lost must have been incredibly tolling"
--where's the evidence for that?
"and the way this question is formed almost implies that it is of the speakers doing."
--close. You can construe "lose" in two distinct ways. Lose could mean evade or let slip. That means "your love" also has two constructions.
"the speaker felt that they mourned the lost love nonetheless."
--where's the evidence of that?
"The amount of emotion in this one question is amazing, because it's very impacting and influential to the reader's overall outlook in regards to how they view/absorb this written work."
--to me, the challenge to the reader is to decide if he's a bad dude or not.
12. But I did.
"This line made my heart drop, because it was the speaker reflecting, almost woefully regretting his/her lost love."
--are you sure?
"It must be a very mournful meaning at that.
This line is so short and sad"
--he could be saying this flatly, without any feeling whatsoever
"if it were written on paper, I feel this line would likely be one that had dried lifted spots of moisture surrounding it, as if at the moment these three words were written, tears were undeniably present."
--maybe he's genuinely disoriented and asking sincerely, too, right?
13. That's what I did today.
"After reading this line over and over again, both individually and in context, I found it was an adequate closing to a very well structured (emotional) poem.
I feel this sentence is crucial to the last stanza because if it were to end on the note of "But I did." I would feel as if the speaker had to mutter just a few more things, but was unable to. The sense of closure that the reader should have when coming to the end of a poem is more vital than most assume."
--the referent for "that" is undetermined, right?
--great work! Thanks sooo much for the clearly time-consuming critique! Outstanding!
--There is, however, one *major* oversight, though, as you neglected to actually crit line 3. Perhaps most importantly, why the kitchen?
--very very intentional
"3. in the kitchen
Ah! Good. Finally"
--Awesome hahaha "took you long enough. geez!" hahaha
"Now. . . Am I over thinking the figurative components present within this poem?"
--no
"Though I cannot shake the feeling that the mentioning within L2 through L3 of the kitchen's current electricity dilemma is supposed to be a parallel to the speaker's emotionally tolling dilemma."
--without doubt
"4. on my mountain.
I believe this isn't literal,"
--it's literal, emotional, and symbolic. The mountain is his home, his emotional advantage over his partner, and the immovable object of his not loving his partner.
"Although I think it'd be interesting to possibly add an adjective"
--you missed that "mountain" *is* modified--by "my".
"you've made the POV pretty darn apparent within this poem (in every stanza in fact!),"
--the narrator's overuse of "I" shows his nature
"just a small comment there on a relatively diminutive aspect of these two lines"
--not diminutive. It's a crucial feature. Without it, the reader can't get any purchase on his personality.
Now, there are two key words here that spark my interest: "decided" and "check".
--and "go," a reference to the ancient game
"The word play makes me think that the speaker might have already unconsciously made a decision about the main dilemma, but for whatever reason, they find it hard to admit to themselves it is so."
--correct
"Maybe they've muted their inner most self in order to hold onto emotions that would otherwise have to be let go if they were to finally make a choice."
--correct
Alright, so L6 is referring to the action of "checking" (in this case, the sidewalk mentioned in L7).
--also to both chess "checking" and to checkers
"Some synonyms for "check" include: "inspection", "review", and "test". "
--but I didn't choose any of those words, right? What does "check" have that those other words don't?
"From this, I feel as if it is implied that the speaker needs to "review" or "inspect" these thoughts/emotions"
--right analysis, wrong conclusion. From this, it is implied he *doesn't* need to review or inspect, but only to check.
"here might be that the speaker is one of those fellows who scavenges for reburns! This would impose upon the speaker slight character development and possible masked symbolism."
--not "might," but *must*
"a bit veiled"
--I thought I was being blatant
7. the itchy sidewalk
"Man. . . How restless is this individual, as to refer to the sidewalk as "itchy"?"
--what's the answer? If there isn't one, then I need to revise.
--importantly, the idea of an "itchy sidewalk" is nonsensical. The narrator is itchy, but he projects
--also, why "sidewalk"?
"The cravings associated with the usage of cigarettes may apply to some sort of emblematical message; does the speaker "crave" or "deeply miss" someone or possibly something?"
--yes. What is it? Again, if there's no answer, I need to revise.
"Is this in junction with their indecision?"
--as you noted, the narrator has no indecision. "this" distances the narrator from the "indecision." So how does the indecision relate to the power being out? Is there *any* reason to think power relates to electricity?
"This may be too analytical of me... "
--impossible
"but do these words also have some sort of concealed significance behind them?"
--it's in the "I'd"
"I'm hesitant to say, but I feel as if the speaker might have been also implying that they'd be putting themselves "right back" into the same situation if they were to "love" again (referenced from L11)."
--good catch. I missed it!
"My last translation of this line would be that the main figure might have meant that this has happened before, and this restlessness is a consequence of a cycle of events that leads to even more indecision."
--close. It's possible that he's viewing "I'd" as an entity external to himself
"Am I correct in any of my presumptions for this line? Or is it literal?"
--yes to both
"The way in which this valued love was lost must have been incredibly tolling"
--where's the evidence for that?
"and the way this question is formed almost implies that it is of the speakers doing."
--close. You can construe "lose" in two distinct ways. Lose could mean evade or let slip. That means "your love" also has two constructions.
"the speaker felt that they mourned the lost love nonetheless."
--where's the evidence of that?
"The amount of emotion in this one question is amazing, because it's very impacting and influential to the reader's overall outlook in regards to how they view/absorb this written work."
--to me, the challenge to the reader is to decide if he's a bad dude or not.
12. But I did.
"This line made my heart drop, because it was the speaker reflecting, almost woefully regretting his/her lost love."
--are you sure?
"It must be a very mournful meaning at that.
This line is so short and sad"
--he could be saying this flatly, without any feeling whatsoever
"if it were written on paper, I feel this line would likely be one that had dried lifted spots of moisture surrounding it, as if at the moment these three words were written, tears were undeniably present."
--maybe he's genuinely disoriented and asking sincerely, too, right?
13. That's what I did today.
"After reading this line over and over again, both individually and in context, I found it was an adequate closing to a very well structured (emotional) poem.
I feel this sentence is crucial to the last stanza because if it were to end on the note of "But I did." I would feel as if the speaker had to mutter just a few more things, but was unable to. The sense of closure that the reader should have when coming to the end of a poem is more vital than most assume."
--the referent for "that" is undetermined, right?
--great work! Thanks sooo much for the clearly time-consuming critique! Outstanding!
--There is, however, one *major* oversight, though, as you neglected to actually crit line 3. Perhaps most importantly, why the kitchen?
A yak is normal.