10-13-2014, 06:30 AM
Gypsy leaving is a must
as her blood has wanderlust
Though its never been discussed
it's men she'll never trust -- It is men she'll never trust seems somewhat like inverted or Yoda speak, as some call it. I would say, She'll never trust men.
Ok, there are some grammatical problems here. First off, no punctuation can be very confusing. Second, Though it's clever to change the rhyme scheme at the end, these rhymes also seem very forced. The diction is plain except for the word "wanderlust." I'm not trying to be some crazy guy because I don't think poetry makes us vicars of any sort of God. However, I do think there are some errors here.
as her blood has wanderlust
Though its never been discussed
it's men she'll never trust -- It is men she'll never trust seems somewhat like inverted or Yoda speak, as some call it. I would say, She'll never trust men.
Ok, there are some grammatical problems here. First off, no punctuation can be very confusing. Second, Though it's clever to change the rhyme scheme at the end, these rhymes also seem very forced. The diction is plain except for the word "wanderlust." I'm not trying to be some crazy guy because I don't think poetry makes us vicars of any sort of God. However, I do think there are some errors here.