10-10-2014, 04:39 PM
(10-08-2014, 03:06 PM)Brownlie Wrote: I promulgated wisdom to the trees,Hi brownlie, I find a lot to like in the overal image, idea of this one but as it currently stand i find some of the word choices feel forced (besought in particular).
besought the pines to form a gaudy pun,
and boiled hot with flame that turned to steam.
I plucked a nettle from my mind
and caused an ebbing that would never fade.
It became a daily thing to cry O, O,
in vacant sighs or passive gests.
And soon, I ran in circles Shaded by
the umbrage of my beck and call.
The first sentence is quite protracted to get your head round. The wisdom you are seeking out to give to the pines, is guady puns that are lalso boiling substance with flames and steam.
Will come back and have further reads and keep an eye out for edits.
AJ.

