10-09-2014, 08:05 AM
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It put me in mind of Marrakesh, and its busy square with water-carriers and story-tellers, more than anywhere else, though mention of an Aussie girl reminded me also of one in S Arabia, who opined ''There's only two sorts of Saudis-- those who look down your top, and those who look up your bottom'' =both of which body-parts have, I am sure, long-since been abolished.
Your poem is, as it were, front-loaded, with a flurry of alliteration, which peters out as the mini-tale progresses. I am not sure that's important; t attracts the eye and ear, and then the genial picture speaks for itself. It is very vivid, but I am supplying my own colours, smells etc, as well as the particular light of the place -- whatever place.
'Passers-by' for me has a hyphen, as does 'run-off'.
It put me in mind of Marrakesh, and its busy square with water-carriers and story-tellers, more than anywhere else, though mention of an Aussie girl reminded me also of one in S Arabia, who opined ''There's only two sorts of Saudis-- those who look down your top, and those who look up your bottom'' =both of which body-parts have, I am sure, long-since been abolished.
Your poem is, as it were, front-loaded, with a flurry of alliteration, which peters out as the mini-tale progresses. I am not sure that's important; t attracts the eye and ear, and then the genial picture speaks for itself. It is very vivid, but I am supplying my own colours, smells etc, as well as the particular light of the place -- whatever place.
'Passers-by' for me has a hyphen, as does 'run-off'.