10-09-2014, 02:03 AM
I saw a documentary once that this one brought to mind, of brown bears with cubs going up the mountain slopes to eat the moth / buterflies that live under the scree. I know a slate scree is not a glacier, but the show made for a strong image that stuck - and the snow started falling as the bears ate them. But way off topic.
Back to your poem
I don't know if buterfly is normally classed as a summer season word, but I like the way the two other lines sit in direct contrast as winter images / words. Also the glacier brings up thoughts of solid / immovable / harsh and the buterfly and the snow are soft and fleeting - except when they are both trapped on/ into a glacier and then they too become part of the frozen display.
think this one works as a mind feast on multiple levels.
I am not 100% with the snowflakes falling - but do not have any alternatives to suggest so I guess the final comment is no crit.
Nice one. AJ.
Back to your poem
I don't know if buterfly is normally classed as a summer season word, but I like the way the two other lines sit in direct contrast as winter images / words. Also the glacier brings up thoughts of solid / immovable / harsh and the buterfly and the snow are soft and fleeting - except when they are both trapped on/ into a glacier and then they too become part of the frozen display.
think this one works as a mind feast on multiple levels.
I am not 100% with the snowflakes falling - but do not have any alternatives to suggest so I guess the final comment is no crit.
Nice one. AJ.