Motif

[cjchaffin]

i like the edit, it reads much stronger. and i think keeping it lowercase with no punctuation works well for the piece too. the title tells me automatically that this is going to be a series of short observations, that's why the lack of punctuation works, imho. i also like the quiet sensuality of the poem, the juxtaposition of the lovers with the imagery of the rubber trees

edit #1/thank you brandontoh and tomoffing

i meant literally rubber trees and when there are a number of them grown close to the compound walls they tend to make cracks, that's what i have seen in some places. compound wall is boundary wall that protects one's property. i am still undecided about the punctuation, to have it or not have it. and it is tabooed. i thought it works well here instead of tattooed. the rubber tree sap trickles down and it becomes crusted. that is what i tried to convey.

rubber trees
threaten to crack
my compound walls
broken from reverie
there is impermanence
on all sides

breathing in harmony
dawn is broken <--you use "broken" here too soon after using it in the previous strophe...maybe another word would be best?
by the swish of silk
leaves rustle
rendition by birds
in bass and treble

lying limp after
last night's lovemaking
pouring rain
pounding the roof
washing down the glass panes
insignia of your stubble
tabooed on my skin <--i keep reading "tattooed" but taken in the abstract, "tabooed" works well here with double meaning

thin cuts
i watch the
liquid ooze out
trickling down
crusted and hardened <--maybe "to crust and harden" might clear up some of the confusion