Motif

[tomoffing]

hey tamara, 

this is tender and intimate, with plenty to enjoy. 
You've fallen into a couple of traps though. You have abstraction, ambiguity and cliche, and the total lack of punctuation makes this a difficult read in places.

I've highlighted below whats good and what i think could be improved.

Thanks for posting.

rubber trees  i don't know what this image
threaten to crack
my compound walls  


trees cracking walls is a strong image. That said, your use of rubber conflicts with the cracking. I do not know whether you are referring literally to rubber trees or something further. I also do not know what compound walls are. 


on all sides
impermanence
broken from reverie

I don't know what's happening here either, this is much too abstract. 
This stanza overall needs to be clarified.


in harmony
breathing in the silence 
dawn broken
swish of silk
leaves rustle
rendition by birds
in bass and treble


the first three lines here are very cliched, but the stanza overall is much better. You need to eliminate the cliche. perhaps use the start of the birds song to highlight the breaking of dawn without specifically stating it. the onomatopoeia ([b]swish & rustle) works nicely to capture the moment.[/b]


lying in bed in bed is unnecessary. remove and combine this with the next line.
limp after last night’s
lovemaking
pouring rain
pounding on the roof remove "on"
washing down the glass panes
insignia of your stubble
tabooed on my skin should this be tatooed?

Another good stanza with some concrete sound and imagery.
Would benefit from removing some redundancy, as ive outlined.



thin cuts
i watch the
liquid ooze out
trickling down
crusted and harden i like the idea here, but its constructed incorrectly. If the liquid is crusted, it cant be trickling. Punctuation or an alternate conjugation would fix this.

overall, I really like this piece. I look forward to any edits / updates you choose to make. 
Thanks,
t