Hello

[billy]

lots of great lines in the poem. mainly they lead me to believe is was a waking drug induced dream or a meditative one. i enjoyed the fantasy refs from Oz and wonderland

i think you have loads of opportunity to play with the enjambment throughout the poem, not saying you should; just that you can in order to try and perfect some of the lines.

He whispered Whiskey breath
sleepy eyed
A hep cat hipster in hemp cap this is a good solid piece of imagery

an enjoyable poem in need of a little punctuation to make it stand out as a really enjoyable poem

welcome to the site

Prompted to sign up - I'm very much an amateur just enjoying the occasional flail at the keyboard.

My favourite, simple piece:

Lost

I had a dream once no need for once [it was a dream] emphasis on a makes once redundant
Circular in reason
Teasing me
Bruised and beaten
Sleeping
I wandered angelic
Dorothy and Alice
Through nightmare geographies, great line in reference to above, also very transcendental imagery
Landscapes cruel, beautiful
And strange
Talking crows
Enveloped my eyes
A crown of pearlescent feathers
Obscuring my vision and yet
I saw
A waterfall of tears
A guru on a lotus another good reference from wonderland
He whispered
Whiskey breath and sleepy eyed
A hep cat hipster in hemp cap
Gin and tonic gripped
Like a life preserver
“All you need is love”
And I wandered
Lost