10-05-2014, 06:16 AM
I would've liked "canvas" or something along those lines instead of burlap, which doesn't say much. (Canvas could place the characters as city hipsters for example.)
Also, I was waiting for a cell phone to come into play. That's all people do in elevators now, right? Candy Crush the awkwardness away. It's an idea. Because maybe I don't go in ritzy enough elevators or something, but I've never been in one that actually has elevator music. ;p
In the last line, "at the sight of" is both wordy and doesn't really make sense... you can't SEE a missed opportunity per se. How could you make that more succinct?
Just thoughts.
Also, I was waiting for a cell phone to come into play. That's all people do in elevators now, right? Candy Crush the awkwardness away. It's an idea. Because maybe I don't go in ritzy enough elevators or something, but I've never been in one that actually has elevator music. ;p
In the last line, "at the sight of" is both wordy and doesn't really make sense... you can't SEE a missed opportunity per se. How could you make that more succinct?
Just thoughts.
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The howling beast is back.
The howling beast is back.