green is the color of silence

[StanleyZ]

the landscape
drew cumulus green;
the full moon shattered,
falling in the dark night,
its pale glow
fringed the head of trees,
fireflies
in the muted sky.
my backyard was outlined
by the frayed edges
of the moon, its ghostlike images.
I swept the rooms;
in the woods nearby
moss steadily crept
and consumed my backyard.

The second line bothers me, because of the word cumulus. Cumulus, most commonly defined, means "accumulation" they are basically the same word, but, "The landscape drew accumulation (or cumulus) green" seems to be lacking something, like AN accumulation OF green. That just makes more sense to me given my knowledge of the word. Cumulus is a great word, but is it really necessary? Maybe you are in love with it, I like it too, but I would try to make it more fluid. Everything else in this piece is vivid. The allusions to the moon are not too cliche to gag on. You use a lot of alliteration, which makes me think you chose your wording carefully. I can't say I like the idea of "my backyard" too much. I mean what does it really do here? As a reader until that point I was internalizing the descriptions, but then all the sudden my imagination is reclaimed by the speakers personal space, since when and why is the speaker trying to get personal about this theme that is far too vast and general to specify like this? I think the vista, horizon, firmament, or welkin would fit in just as well as far as the back yard goes. The title of this piece is general. To me nothing about it is really specific, so why zoom in around the speaker? Given the idea of this poem, zooming out would be more effective in my opinion. All these images are so far away, as the reader I am looking farther and farther out with every line. Don't bring me back home! Take me further, where only poetry can go. Take me past the shattered moon, the fringed trees, the fireflies. Take me where only you can take me, and I will enjoy that specific experience much more so than I will find solace in the fact that the color green is silent.

Excellent critique. Well done.
Mod