9.30.14 NY

[ellajam]

the date is an automatic 9/11 switch for me as is the whirlwind memory line. so i get something from the poem.
it feels very metaphorical but i'm presuming it's an actual image.  not keen on souls rising as there really isn't a clear enough reference for such.

dark clouds on building tips
overlay clear skies
September
whirlwind memory
souls rising

Thanks for the read, billy. I have a hard time describing the September energy in NY other than souls rising and descending. I'll try to move to something more concrete for this (most everything I think of is gruesome.) I'll think on it.

Maybe you could combine the last lines in some way if you don't like them.



Buildings tip over, an enclosure of embers.

Meaning doesn't mean much anymore, now we're more about schizophrenic associations.

No embers today, but hey, who's calling who schizophrenic? But I'm thinking about what you mean, even if I don't mean to.

Marcella, I am not sure of the form, but perhaps you can sew the sections together
by linking your appearance of smoke atop the buildings this morn with that of 9/11,
along with a preposition, e.g.

September’s
smoky memories
of souls rising

Hey, Chris, thanks for stopping by. The form doesn't matter, but it's pretty well agreed I've got some loose stitches there. I'll think about the of. It really was a concrete experience, shame I didn't stop to take a pic, hoping someone else did and I can find and steal it. I appreciate you trying to help me make this one work.

Patellajam (I kneed you)

Wonderful image, more like a painting than poetry: like a ghost that continues to hang around no matter how much time has passed. An overlay of the past onto the present.

I have no picks with this one.

Dale

Oh, Rythona (I knead you)

Although I'm going to play with this to see if I can do better, it's nice to have someone see it on the same wavelength that I do. Thanks for the read and notes, I'll try not to lose that.