Eternal Turn Around
#3
(09-27-2014, 11:11 AM)Starbeam Wrote:  I pray.
I breathe.
I feel the blanket of shame
Entrapped in a stunning stress break point
Layered from years of lies
Lies from the entangled mesh of a smile/frown twist.
Years of forgetting that I have a voice.
Years of forgetting that I have my choice.  
On my knees beneath His sky, I rise.
Refusing to regret one step in truth.
I turn around embraced by my Creator, my Father, my God.
Unwrapped to my life-breathed face.  
I know His voice, I feel my choice
I forget my pain and beat my heart.
Consume His Love forever light
My breast expands, a sanctuary, now.
I can forget, He has and did.
I live, the infinite - Heaven IS.
The period in the lines give it a staccato effect. But the poem is ridden with cliches. I like the spiritual vibe but maybe you could rework it with better word choices and tighten it by removing the redundant words and lines.
Reply


Messages In This Thread
Eternal Turn Around - by Starbeam - 09-27-2014, 11:11 AM
RE: Eternal Turn Around - by Starbeam - 09-28-2014, 11:12 AM
RE: Eternal Turn Around - by Tamara - 09-28-2014, 12:20 PM
RE: Eternal Turn Around - by Starbeam - 09-28-2014, 12:37 PM
RE: Eternal Turn Around - by Starbeam - 09-28-2014, 12:39 PM
RE: Eternal Turn Around - by Tamara - 09-28-2014, 12:44 PM
RE: Eternal Turn Around - by Starbeam - 09-28-2014, 08:38 PM
RE: Eternal Turn Around - by vagabond - 11-24-2014, 02:57 AM
RE: Eternal Turn Around - by lock1 - 11-24-2014, 03:23 PM
RE: Eternal Turn Around - by zahrakh - 11-24-2014, 09:12 PM
RE: Eternal Turn Around - by Liz11 - 11-25-2014, 01:41 PM
RE: Eternal Turn Around - by Christoph2 - 11-26-2014, 03:20 PM



Users browsing this thread: 1 Guest(s)
Do NOT follow this link or you will be banned from the site!