haiku

haiku

Mwaba don Offline

member

Posts: 50
Threads: 12
Joined: Aug 2014

#13

09-27-2014, 08:44 AM

(09-23-2014, 11:43 PM)billy Wrote: 2nd edit
bluebottle on pizza
swatted -
who wants this slice

first edit

bluebottle on pizza
swatted -
i'm not hungry

original

Quote:bluebottle on pizza
fly swatter squashes it-
who wants this piece

I dont know why you keep changing your lines, The one with slice sounds better for me.

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Messages In This Thread

haiku - by billy - 09-23-2014, 11:43 PM

RE: haiku - by Magpie - 09-24-2014, 12:40 AM

RE: haiku - by billy - 09-24-2014, 03:46 AM

RE: haiku - by ellajam - 09-24-2014, 01:32 AM

RE: haiku - by billy - 09-24-2014, 03:48 AM

RE: haiku - by Magpie - 09-24-2014, 04:19 AM

RE: haiku - by billy - 09-24-2014, 05:05 PM

RE: haiku - by billy - 09-24-2014, 05:08 PM

RE: haiku - by rayheinrich - 09-24-2014, 06:35 PM

RE: haiku - by billy - 09-24-2014, 06:49 PM

RE: haiku - by rayheinrich - 09-24-2014, 06:55 PM

RE: haiku - by billy - 09-24-2014, 07:53 PM

RE: haiku - by Mwaba don - 09-27-2014, 08:44 AM

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