Wasted Spring
#6
(09-21-2014, 02:15 AM)zahrakh Wrote:  Walking bare footed on the turf of the? past
With an unusual nonchalance for the changing
season,
Spring's music ,? echoed and died away so fast,
But no songs or laments did reach this garden.
Sweet fragrance of ripe fruits went unnoticed
Wind wandered around with unheard whispers
And the thunderstorms above just stared,
troubled,
Bird held their tongues fearing impolite answers
With foggy vision I looked above at sky
The welcoming rainbow's smile
But couldn't return the gesture, why?
I wonder till this while.
I'm not sure if you are missing punctuation and the odd word here and there.
there seems to be a lack of structure, though not to the extent that it breaks the poem it just interrupts the rhythm.

It's certainly an interesting start. I'd love to see some tweaks and twists to the story
I'm slightly mad and completely obsessed with language

Please forgive my spelling and punctuationBeg
Reply


Messages In This Thread
Wasted Spring - by zahrakh - 09-21-2014, 02:15 AM
RE: Wasted Spring - by Mwaba don - 09-21-2014, 03:19 AM
RE: Wasted Spring - by zahrakh - 09-21-2014, 03:36 AM
RE: Wasted Spring - by 2fargone - 09-24-2014, 11:41 PM
RE: Wasted Spring - by Starbeam - 09-26-2014, 12:38 PM
RE: Wasted Spring - by TheOnlyRedSmurf - 09-27-2014, 05:21 AM
RE: Wasted Spring - by Brownlie - 09-27-2014, 12:43 PM
RE: Wasted Spring - by StanleyZ - 09-27-2014, 01:34 PM
RE: Wasted Spring - by zahrakh - 09-27-2014, 10:53 PM



Users browsing this thread: 1 Guest(s)
Do NOT follow this link or you will be banned from the site!