09-26-2014, 03:54 PM
(09-26-2014, 01:18 PM)just mercedes Wrote: Hi Stanley, and welcome! Your poem has a lot of impact - the sonic adventures are fun, and the surreal images are doing their work at the same time. The protagonist seems to be street-wise; a sort of cinema noir tough guy tone to it that I like. I can't help thinking that your last line let the poem down a little though - it seems to trail off in wordiness and a forced rhyme.Thank you so much! I wanted to do something unique since I started this piece, and you caught me red handed in regards to the ending. It was one of those things where I was just trying to fit something in >.< your insight is a fantastic encouragement!
That said, I enjoyed reading your poem - unexpected, and refreshing. I'm always happy to see poets taking chances, playing with words, enjoying their work. Makes the reader feel the same.
Thank you for the perspective! :3
A good critique is a good analysis from the view of the reader.