09-26-2014, 12:33 PM
I have completed my required 5 critiques recently. I am anxious to receive some feedback of my own, so I am posting my first poem here, I have read the rules over enough to believe this is a legal post, but If not I beg pardon, and ask for clarity.
"Mommy Had a Vice"
Mommy had a habit of popping rabbit tails,
cocktail tornadoes never seemed too far between,
and she washed it all down with ivory and lavender,
the irony, a wonder, her avarice never did her any justice.
Mommy bore a Tommy gun,
just to turn it on herself,
she called it Miss Take,
to her Miss Give (a damn).
Mom-my, Rocked- me, Slow-ly,
Mom-my, Lulled- me, Lang-uid-ly,
in a fatal cradle,
never taught me how to have a halo.
Mommy had a vice, force grip
of her own device, but
she never thought twice, in doubt-
about what she could have done to suffice.
"Mommy Had a Vice"
Mommy had a habit of popping rabbit tails,
cocktail tornadoes never seemed too far between,
and she washed it all down with ivory and lavender,
the irony, a wonder, her avarice never did her any justice.
Mommy bore a Tommy gun,
just to turn it on herself,
she called it Miss Take,
to her Miss Give (a damn).
Mom-my, Rocked- me, Slow-ly,
Mom-my, Lulled- me, Lang-uid-ly,
in a fatal cradle,
never taught me how to have a halo.
Mommy had a vice, force grip
of her own device, but
she never thought twice, in doubt-
about what she could have done to suffice.
A good critique is a good analysis from the view of the reader.