09-25-2014, 03:40 PM
(09-15-2014, 01:47 AM)tectak Wrote: Whatever else we claim as ours, inside the bag that we call us,
we are more than the hydrogen that suns sublime in nuclear flame.
That simple trick of gravity combined with heat, spontaneous
and without god, makes molten mass that but for us would have no name.
Yet here we are, named Dick and Tom, agglomerates of fusion fire
held tight together for some time, which in itself is not defined.
At best we say that we pass through, like current through a copper wire;
except, of course, electron flow is by that very path confined.
Not so the spirit loosed from bonds; valency, like carbon digits,
grasps and grips what has no soul but lets slips through the human essence.
Moved by this strange inoculant, we live and love and fuss and fidget;
time deforms the hands that hook us, dangling over fate’s senescence.
Old age it seems is an illusion, atomic parts remain as new;
the force that binds our bits together will not hold us hale and well.
Who made this plan, this rum re-cycle…building us with such poor glue?
Ah, you say, that must be god…and if not He then who in hell?
Tectak
2014
Religion and science are both in play here. It seems to me the speaker leans towards
Science as an exclamation, but still remains unsure. The speaker is very educated using
Big scientific words, he/she is trying to justify the connection we have with the world.
A scientist struggling with what we all most cope with?
I find this interesting in it's puzzling ambiguity.
My concern is that the advanced language may dissuage some.
I get that science is a central theme here, and the speaker needs
To be credit able, but words you only see on the SATs may
Turn readers away before they can appreciate the message.
Or maybe they weren't intelligent enough to begin with. Heck,
I'm not sure if I am, but as a reader this is what your poem
Made me think. Pinning down a unigue and exact theme would
Prove challenging here, again those big word can reinforce your point,
Just as much as they can confuse the reader. Also the line length
Is exceptionally long compared to most poems, does that reflect
The content? I suppose, but that uncertainty is also what this poem
Is really about in my opinion.
I'm not too keen on science stuff, or religious stuff, but heck
If I can't recognize them conflicting in a poem!
A good critique is a good analysis from the view of the reader.

