< loneliness >

[rayheinrich]

Hey ray, that last line has my head spinning. 1st three lines interesting
and beautiful. You, ok. Next three lines, I'm on the edge of my chair.
Bam, dull cliche. So, why is that? Really, something as warm as the sun
is searingly hot. If you meant something pleasant maybe as warming as the
sun. But that's not what you said. Warm as what's left of the sun's energy
by the time it reaches us? The sun and the desert. I can't put it together
yet, but thanks for bugging me and making me think. One of these reads maybe
it will dawn on me.

< the earth is pointed with horns >

      as the desert
      enfolds its wisdom
      with the blessing of sand

      you

      hold your love for me
      in a single point
      that as it enters
      is as warm as the sun

                   - - -

Well, see, this is what I get when I haven't fed my cats and
they jump on me with their sharp-pointees and I blindly stab at a
few keys and race off to feed them and don't look at what nonsense
ended up getting posted. (Though, making sense of "the earth is pointed
with horns" is an interesting exercise.)

But the 2nd version has close to the same end, so I'll answer based on
that. The "is as warm as sun" line is ambiguous, just as 'love' is.
And, of course, love gotta be cliche. What you didn't know, because
I left out the 1st part of the damn poem , was that the object of
the protagonist's love was 'loneliness'. Now we're even DEEPER into
cliche. Getting speared and imagining the sun is warm sort of go
along with being lonely in the desert sands. In the next version
I'm thinking of throwing in mirages, camels, and Moses. But this
is what I get when I try to understand what I write. Never a good
idea as I might look down like Wile E. Coyote chasing the Road Runner
and find there is only air beneath me. Hmmm, Wile E. Coyote and the
Road Runner usually appear in the desert, so maybe I should put them
in there as well? Now I've gotten silly.

Tell me what you think of the real poem and I'll try to give you a
serious answer. Ray