09-24-2014, 04:56 PM
any questioning the reader does is valid so a big thanks for stopping by.
in the uk we have a phrase 'turns up like a bad penny' i was trying to rework the cliche and use an image for copper pans at the same time. (i guess it needed to be better said)
houdini made things go and come back, the magic isn't in the disappearance, it's in the reappearance. (it's why we say 'how did he do that) but again it seems i needed more clarity and less ambiguity.
it's always refreshing to see newbs giving feedback, keep up the good work.
in the uk we have a phrase 'turns up like a bad penny' i was trying to rework the cliche and use an image for copper pans at the same time. (i guess it needed to be better said)
houdini made things go and come back, the magic isn't in the disappearance, it's in the reappearance. (it's why we say 'how did he do that) but again it seems i needed more clarity and less ambiguity.
it's always refreshing to see newbs giving feedback, keep up the good work.
(09-24-2014, 07:24 AM)JPB Wrote: I believe if you removed the word "the" in the second line it would read much better. You could use the "the" in the third line between "and drying." I didn't really understand the line about "Houdini's plates depart. "but like bad copper coins, they return." I have never heard that line before, so I assume it is yours. This is just me, but I would have said, "Like wayward children they return." I'm sorry, but the last stanza just doesn't work for me. "Marigold gloves?" No, I'm sorry, but I'm not impressed with the third stanza. This is my first critique. Everything I questioned was just me. I'm certainty no professional reviewer.http://www.pigpenpoetry.com/images/smilies/huh.gif