haiku

[Magpie]

first edit

bluebottle on pizza
swatted -
i'm not hungry

original

bluebottle on pizza
fly swatter squashes it-
who wants this piece

I like the first part of the edit Billy, but I think it would be a shame to lose the humour that the first one had and to say 'i'm not hungry' doesn't imply that it's being offered up like the first one.
Mark