09-23-2014, 09:16 AM
(09-23-2014, 02:47 AM)Wjames Wrote: Hey. A lot to like about this, some great word choices.
The doors kissed to mark the start I love "kissed" - sets up the rest of the poem too
of another trip to the ground floor.
Soft jazz battles with the burlap silence love what your saying here. Especially "burlap silence". Not sure if "soft" is your best word and didn't like "battles" on first read but I get it now.
of a man and woman alone together.
Thoughts stay home to hum, tap, and sigh
at the sight of another missed opportunity.I think you could do better in the last line. The sentiment is right. But it sounds more matter-of-fact than it should.
Hope that helps even a little. Good luck with it, Paul

