Haiku 21.09.14

[Magpie]

Wonderful!
(Though maybe leave out the 'by' preposition for that authentic 'Japanese' feel.)  

P.S. 'bat' is a summer kigo: kakuidori  蚊喰鳥 - "bird that eats mosquitoes"

P.P.S. a baseball 'bat', like 'baseball', is a spring kigo

Thank you...

You know I would never have thought of leaving out the 'by', but it works perfectly. I was considering 

eclipsed
by a bat -
jupiter

because it shows the juxtaposition better, but I also wanted to have 'bat' as the last word. But leaving out the 'by' covers both of those issues. It also makes it read less like a straight forward sentence which I prefer and it also kind of implies where the pause should be, I was reading it as Jupiter (pause) eclipsed by a bat... and now it will read with the pause where the dash is which makes more sense.
I thought I'd considered all possibilities so thanks for showing me the one that I missed, this will help for future haikus I'm sure.

ps - I was hoping that 'bat' would be a summer kigo and did check first to make sure, if it wasn't then my fallback was to use Jupiter because I presumed it would be either an Autumn or winter kigo, but then I found out it wasn't a kigo for any season 

Thanks again,
Mark